Baby's First Picture

I am so emotional right now, but here is our little baby. She's just over 6 mm long, about the size of a blueberry, and she has a perfect little flickery heartbeat that is amazing to watch. I took a video of it so that Jeff could see it when he gets home, and I just sit here and stare at it. I am so happy, I could, well, cry!

Cliches

I hate to be cliche, but I have been craving - and eating - pickles all day. I don't even want to mention that I've eaten some ice cream between the pickles, but I did. I hope all these pickles count as vegetables!

Symptoms

I have never been so tired in all my life, and I am a woman who has always enjoyed her naps. I feel like I do nothing but sleep, wake up, and then go take a nap. I have also been getting a lot of heartburn, so I take Tums during the day and then Pepcid before bed so that I don't wake up gagging on acid. That is not a pleasant experience! Jeff has been wonderful. Not only does he keep the house neat and running, he doesn't complain. He rubs my aching back and brings me gummy bears, and when I was craving spaghettio's with meatballs, he bought them and cooked them for me, even though he can't stand them. Baby and I are very, very lucky!

We tried for so long to get here that I don't care how many symptoms I have to deal with. Okay, I don't really want the symptoms to get any worse, but if they do, both Jeff and I are up for the challenge. It is all worth it to know that we are going to have a healthy, happy, beautiful baby!

The Prodigal Cat Returns

Due to some terrible directions on the part of the lady at the shelter (she didn't know north from south), Magglio the cat is still with us. Jeff is very unhappy because he took a half-day at work and drove around for two hours for nothing, but I'm just happy to see that darned cat again. I think maybe this is God's way of saying that the cat belongs with us since we aren't having any luck in finding him a different home, but we'll see what happens!

Happy Day, Sad Day

I got the results of my second blood test today, and Baby is developing right on schedule. I have my first sonogram next Thursday, and while I won't be able to hear the heartbeat, I guess the doctor can see it. I am very excited! I am terribly nauseous today, so I'll be vegging on the couch for a good part of the day.

In very sad news, our cat, Magglio, is going to the shelter today. Jeff and I are both so upset, but I am allergic to him and I have to take asthma meds every day when he is here. This isn't good for the baby, and when I was in Fargo I only took the meds about twice a week, so we know it is for the best. We love that dumb cat though, and this is very difficult. Several doctors have also mentioned that my arthritis may improve if we got rid of the cat. We did give him away last year to one of Jeff's co-workers, but the guy brought him back within a week because he wasn't cuddly enough. Maggs has always been very shy, and so I worry terribly about him being in a shelter. We've been trying for over a year to find him a home through people we know and acquaintances, but we've just run out of time. Please say a prayer that someone will adopt him quickly! He's a wonderful kitty who deserves a good, patient family.

It's Official!

You all know I'm a terrible worrier (I take after Nana), so I have been on pins and needles awaiting the blood test results. I was so sure that either A.) my four tests were wrong, or B.) the baby had been lost. I am very happy to report that neither of these things came true! The nurse just called me. I am officially pregnant, and my hormone levels are right where they should be. I have another test tomorrow to make sure they are doubling, but that is more of a formality than anything. We should be able to hear her heart beat in a couple of weeks! I tell you what, this makes the nausea, the exhaustion, and the strange pains all worth it.

First Blood Test

I just had my first blood test to check my levels of hcg and progesterone. Hcg is what the body produces during pregnancy, and the progesterone is what creates the lining of the uterus that supports the baby. Given that I am nauseous and tired all the time (and a little cranky - poor Jeff!) I think that all is well, but I can't help but worry. As my ever-so-smart brother Josh said, when you finally get something that's really worth having, there are a lot more things to worry about! I have to have a second blood test on Wednesday to make sure that my hormone levels are doubling, so I am going to be a nervous wreck until I get the news on Thursday. I am so afraid that something will go wrong!

We're Pregnant!

I know this is pretty much old news by now, but Jeff and I are so excited about the baby. I've become addicted to Babycenter.com, which is where I got this picture. According to the site, I'm 5 weeks along, and this is what she looks like. I go to the doctor on Monday morning, and I can't wait!

My flight home was uneventful, and as glad as I am to be with Jeff, I miss my family. I am really having some concerns about raising a baby so far away from both of our families. I don't want our little girl to see our families once a year, and I really think that she would be better off growing up around aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins. My sister is pregnant too and so is my sister-in-law, and I think it would be great for Elizabeth to grow up with her cousins. They will be so close in age! Jeff and I definitely have some thing to think and pray about in the next year or so.

Three Positives Later . . .

After so many heartaches, I have a hard time believing I'm actually pregnant. I've taken three tests however, and since they are all positive, I guess I can stop worrying. I will go for a blood test on Monday when I get home, and I don't know what happens after that. I'm in entirely new territory here!

(I don't have the second test from yesterday, since I inadvertently threw it out. Here are the first one from yesterday and the one from today.)

We've Got Our Miracle!

Well, today was test day, and since I had no reason not to, I took the test. I was seriously expecting a negative, so you can imagine my reaction when a faint pink line showed up to indicate pregnancy. I ran upstairs, woke up my mom, and asked how many lines she saw. There was definitely two, so I'm pregnant! I have a doctor's visit when I get home next week, and I took a second test this afternoon, which also came up positive. I am so excited, I can hardly sit still. Jeff is going to be a daddy, and I am going to be a mommy!! Thank you, Jesus!

Cramps

Well, I have the dreaded cramps now, so it is safe to say that this cycle did not work. My period is due today and I always get cramps the day before, which I did. I am not too upset. I felt from the beginning that this was not going to work, but I had to try so that I don't spend my life thinking, "What if?" It certainly helps that I am surrounded by family and friends and my wonderful husband, and surprisingly enough, the fact that my sister is getting ready to have a baby helps, too. I wish it was me, but if it can't be me, at least it is someone whom I love very much, and now I can be a part of things.

I thought about disbanding this blog since there will be no baby, but I like it, so I think I'll just keep it. We can discuss school and work and the new puppy that I think I should get since I'm not getting a baby!

Fargo

I am in Fargo now, with my crazy, wonderful family. We are having lots of fun, and I wish we lived closer. I keep showing Jeff nice houses online that we could buy, but he is not cooperating! I survived the first week of the 2ww nicely, and have less than a week to go. My cousin Joanna is in from Alaska so I'll get to see her for the first time in several years this weekend, and my awesome friend Mary drove down from Grand Forks to take me shopping today. She has the cutest little girl who was so much fun today. I've never heard a year-and-a-half year old with manners, but Gracie was all "Please" and "Thank you!" I hope I am as good a mother as Mary when we have kids.

I've been thinking a lot about adoption, and the more I think about it, the more I like it. I will still be disappointed if we are not pregnant, but I feel good about our options. I'd love to get pregnant and then adopt later, too.

Progesterone

I'm not going to count the days this month, as that just makes the 2ww even longer. I'm also not going to try and figure out whether or not I feel differently, as the hormones make me feel things that may have nothing to do with a pregnancy. In addition to this, I'm lucky enough to be spending the majority of the 2ww in Fargo with my family, and they are sure to create lots of distractions for me, so these things should all make this much easier than it was last month. I leave on Saturday, and I return here on the 19th. My testing day is July 14th, which is actually nice because my period is due July 10th. Last month, my testing day was two days before my period which just led to all kinds of false hopes, and though I didn't write about it, I tested three separate times in the hopes that I had tested too early.

I got my progesterone from the pharmacy today, thus officially ending the costs of fertility treatments. The insurance paid for it this time, so it must be used for other things than just fertility. I will take one pill a day for 10 days, as a just-in-caser, as my Nana would have said. So, stay tuned for the news from the Great Flatlands!

Cost of Progesterone: $15

El Fin

I had the insemination done yesterday, and Jeff was nice enough to take the day off and come with me. The only part of it that really hurt was when I had to hold my hips in a certain position, because that aggravated the bursitis. Other than that, I had a lot of cramping when I got home, but I feel better today.

Jeff and I have decided definitively that this will be our last course of treatment. I really needed to try this so that I didn't have to play the "what if" game for the rest of my life, but now that we have given treatments a real try, I am ready to move on. It is so expensive, for one thing, but even more than that, it is very hard on me physically and emotionally. If we do not get pregnant - and if I'm being honest, I really don't think we will - then I am going to finish my degree, get a teaching position, and we will buy a house. After that, adoption may be in our future. For now though, we just have to wait and see. It is a relief to have the treatments behind me, and that is the part on which I am trying to focus.

Cost of Insemination: $260