Argh!!!

Okay, I am only 3 dpo (days past ovulation), and I can't test til 14 dpo, and I'm already going nuts. One second I know that we're pregnant, and the next I'm certain that we will never, ever have kids. The only way I will survive this is by stepping outside of my body for awhile. I actually have a life outside my uterus!

We're in the last week of school now, and I can't wait for summer. I love, love, love my job and I love my kids, but I hate getting up in the morning. I like to be up til 2 or 3 in the morning, and then sleep til noon, so that will be my new schedule! I hope I run into my kids a lot over the summer. I like to see them and keep up with how they are doing.

In other news, my little sister Debby is going through the same thing that I am, and we are very much hoping to be pregnant at the same time. The third person in our baby trinity is my friend Heather, who is also hoping to be pregnant, so while you're sending up prayers for me, will you add a few for them, too?

My bestest friend and cousin Joanna is starting weight watchers and doing wonderfully. She is the mother of 5 (yep, I said f-i-v-e) kids, and she still has time to worry about me. She is amazing, and whether she loses weight or not, she is an incredible, beautiful woman.

Jeff is heading to Chicago for a week to visit his family, which means that I have a full week of no Sports Center! I was hoping to go with him as well, but the bursitis in my hip has gotten bad again, so I will be staying home to rest it.

I'm going shopping now, so see you later!

Jeff's Parenting Skills

I saw this cartoon today, and I loved it. This is exactly how I picture Jeff with our kids. He will spin wild stories, and I will be the one yelling at him to stop tormenting the children!

The Two-Week Wait

All right, we have done all that we can do, and now we are just going to have to wait. On my "TTC" (trying to conceive) message boards, this is what is known as the 2ww, or the horrid two-week wait. It is so trying to have to wait for that long, because you're trying both to stay positive and not get your hopes up too high simultaneously. It seems more like two years than two weeks, and every single thing starts to get over-analyzed: "Hmm, I only ate half my usual breakfast. Does that mean I'm pregnant?" or "I didn't feel like wearing jeans. Is that a sign?" Yes, I'm being a little dramatic, but I do mean it when I say that during this time I will notice and make mental notes of every single twinge my body creates.

I will start the progesterone tomorrow night, and so far I only have a 10-day supply. I need to ask the doctor if that is enough, since I won't even be able to take a pregnancy test in ten days. I want these two weeks to rush by, but I'm also a little afraid of the result. We've been pregnant once for sure (and possibly twice) where we lost the baby, and I have had umpteen hopeful pregnancies that turned out to be nothing. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that this could really be it for us, and that the test may not only show positive, but that our baby will live. Please say lots of prayers for us in the next two weeks! Even though I know this may not work, and I know that we can try again and again, I will be so heartbroken if we don't get pregnant this month.

Progesterone: $15

Homework, Day One

While there is obviously no way to tell whether I am pregnant yet, I am still feeling very positive about all of this. Jeff and I had an "Oh my goodness, what were we thinking?" moment as we looked around our tiny little condo and realized that we really do not have room for a baby. Well, we can fit the baby in, just not all of her stuff! But, I do believe that God will provide, and if we have to squish for a while, it is certainly worth it in the end.

I have to stay away from the hot tub now, as that will raise my body temp and could hurt a fetus, but that also gives me an excuse to stay out of the hot Texas sun. I did find out today that I do NOT have to give up caffeine entirely, either. I have to have less than 300 mg per day, but a can of Coke only has 34 mg. I know that there is caffeine in other things too, but a can or two of Coke a day won't hurt a baby, as long as I'm drinking plenty of other liquids. That is a relief, since I do suffer from bad headaches and migraines, and I was afraid that total caffeine withdrawal might trigger the headaches. I have to confess also that even though I said earlier that I had given up caffeine, it didn't take. I've definitely cut way down, and I don't even have it every day now, but I wasn't able to let it go entirely. We're talking a 30-year old soda habit here! I do have to watch the sugar, but it is nice to know that a Coke or 2 a day is all right.

One Beautiful, Perfect Egg

The sonogram today showed just one beautiful egg. I don't know what happened to the other, but at least there was one. According to the doctor it was perfect, and I am so excited. I saw Dr. Le today instead of Dr. Haas, and what an incredible man he is. He came into the room full of positive energy and excitement for me, and I could not help but become excited myself.

I had the shot to release the egg this morning, so tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that are the days where Jeff and I have to do our home work. :-) Dr. Le also gave me the progesterone, but I don't start that until Saturday. It's a pill, but it's a suppository. Haven't quite figured that one out yet, but I guess I will, soon enough. The progesterone was the last of my concerns, and now that that has been addressed (now instead of a week after ovulation, as Dr. Haas had said), I am entirely relieved, and looking forward to this whole adventure. Just think - I could be pregnant by the weekend!! Of course, I won't know that for a couple of weeks yet, but wow! I plan to take a test on Saturday, June 14, which is the day Jeff gets back from Chicago, so please be thinking lots of happy baby thoughts for us in the next few days!

Sonogram and Injection: $110

Hooray for Hot Flashes!

I've started having hot flashes again, and they seem to be more frequent, so maybe this is a sign that the Clomid is still working. Dr. Haas did not seem the least bit concerned that my eggs weren't fully grown yet, so I suppose I overreacted yesterday when I felt that all hope was lost. Hmmm - maybe that was a mood swing! :-)

Anyway, I feel much better today, as I sit here and sweat while Jeff is under a blanket, and I'm back to being positive and hopeful.

Disappointment

Since my last post I finished the Clomid, and aside from the hot flashes, have had no other side effects. Maybe a few teary moments when goopy commercials come on, but that's it. Yesterday I had to have blood drawn as the doctor checks the FSH levels twice in a cycle before he is satisfied, and today was my sonogram. I had hoped that my eggs would be huge and we could induce ovulation, and in fact I knew that I would have lots of eggs. I was absolutely certain that the doctor would be amazed at both the size and the number of eggs I had. This was not the case.

My eggs are growing, which is good, but today there were only two eggs - one in each ovary - that was big. The eggs need to be at least 18mm in order to be mature, and the doctor wants to see at least two before we start to increase my chances of conception. My eggs were 13mm and 17mm. I am trying not to give up hope. My eggs are still growing after all, but it was such a terrible disappointment to realize that, even on a double dose of Clomid, I still cannot seem to produce a good number of eggs, which will decrease our chances of conceiving drastically.

I have to have another sonogram on Tuesday to see how the eggs are doing.

Cost of blood work: $90

Cost of Sonogram: $100

Side Effects

I had the first side effect yesterday: I sat in front of my computer trying to find something online, and I just started crying. It wasn't like I was frustrated or anything, I was just surfing away and the tears came. I was silently telling myself to stop crying, for goodness sakes, but I just couldn't stop. Luckily it only lasted a minute or two, but Jeff looked at me like I was crazy. I have also been having hot flashes, but like I thought, I just haven't noticed given the temperatures outside. I figured it out this morning when I told a friend of mine how hot I was just as she was pulling on a sweater. So, with the mood swings, hot flashes, and little pinging sensations from my ovaries, I think it is safe to say that the Clomid is working.

I've also given up caffeine (again), no small feat for a Cokeaholic, and I've been doing very well with the healthy eating. So, all is good.

First Day Jitters

I took the Clomid today - Woohoo! So far I haven't felt any side effects, but I do remember having some serious hot flashes the last time we did this. Of course, at that time we were in the middle of a Chicago winter, so a few minutes standing outside cooled me right off. Now however, Texas in May, not thinking that's going to work for me. I don't mind though, It is worth it to have our baby, and I am still feeling really positive that we will.

Before I took the pills, Jeff and I said a prayer for my eggs to grow, and since we've been joking so much about triplets, I said that in my prayer. Jeff's eyes got very wide, and he made me redo the prayer, although I am certain that God knows I was kidding. :-)

An incredible friend of mine commented about how much fun I am having with this blog, and I really, truly am. When I started it, I didn't think that I would have much to say, but I'm here at least once a day, so I guess I have lots to say! When Jeff and I tried this before, I had a feeling going in that it was not going to work. This time though, it's a whole different ballgame (White Sox, of course). I sometimes forget that I'm not already pregnant, becuase I am so positive that it will happen. I do realize that it may take longer than just this one month, but I am ready and willing to accept whatever God has planned for us, and in His time.

I've got the Clomid now, and tomorrow is the big day! I have been in a terrific mood today, and I don't know if that's from the vitamins, the healthy foods, or just the possibility of a baby. In any case, I can hardly wait for tomorrow to start the Clomid.

Unfortunately our insurance won't even pay for the meds, so we had to pay for that out of pocket, too.

Cost of Clomid: $44

Prenatal Vitamins and Healthy Eating

I've started taking prenatal vitamins in preparation for the triplets conception, and I am also going to be eating much healthier. I don't really eat that badly, it is just that I have a bad habit of skipping breakfast and lunch, grabbing a Coke and a candy bar if I get hungry, and then eat dinner at home. So, I'm going to start eating regular meals and snacks, thanks to a suggestion from my wise little sister, Debby.

Cost of Vitamins (generic Wal-Mart brand): $4

FSH Levels

The nurse was going to call me today if my FSH was above 10, and she said that if it was fine, she wouldn't. Since it is now 7:02 pm, I think it is safe to say that my FSH levels are fine, and therefore my eggs aren't too old. *Whew!*

One is Good, Three is Better!

Woo Hoo!! I had an awesome doctor's visit today. Not only are my uterus and ovaries in perfect condition, but there are no cysts to be found anywhere. That was a concern given the PCOS, because if there had been cysts, I would have had to wait til they were resolved before I could begin treatment. The sonogram also showed that I have a LOT of little baby eggs in my ovaries, which is terrific. The nurse was actually shocked at how many eggs I had. They were still tiny, but that is because it is the beginning of the cycle.

I also had my blood drawn to check my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) levels. Due to my age, this can be a factor. If the levels are over 10, that means that my eggs are getting old, and we have to really hurry and try some aggressive treatments. If the levels are under 10, then I'm still fine, and we can proceed as planned.

We are going to start the Clomid - double doses of it - on Sunday. I figure that since I have so many eggs and we are taking so much Clomid, we are destined to have triplets. :-)

Another thing we discovered is that I actually ovulated last month. A few weeks ago I had been throwing up and had some serious sensitivity to smells (which is what happened when Jeff and I got pregnant the first year we were married. We miscarried then, because I do not create enough progesterone), so I took a test about a week before our first fertility appointment and it was negative. I didn't think anything of it, but now, given the fact that I did ovulate and did have the symptoms, it is entirely possible that I was pregnant, at least for a while. That actually makes me feel good, because it proves that we can do this, we just have to get the right hormones into play. So, I'm feeling really positive about this whole experience! Jeff is very excited too, although I think he freaks out a little every time I say "triplets". :-)

Oh, one other thing. I've been worried about my weight, and since I have PCOS and am taking steroids for my asthma, it is nearly impossible to lose it. I asked the nurse today if my weight was going to hurt the baby or my chances for pregnancy, and she assured me that it would not. Since I am very healthy otherwise, I was hoping that would be the answer, and now I am very relieved. I am going to have to stop skipping meals and start to eat better though, so that when we do get pregnant the baby(ies!) have what the necessary nutrients.

Cost of Sonogram: $100

Cost of blood work: $90

On to the Next Step . . .

Today was the first day of my period, so tomorrow morning will be my first sonogram. I really have no idea what the doctor is going to be looking for, seeing as how I won't have any eggs growing (I don't think), but I'll have an update tomorrow. I am so glad that the prometrium worked!!

Lots of Swimmers

The test results came back, and Jeff has lots of strong, healthy swimmers. Woo hoo! Two more days of the prometrium, and then I should be getting my period. I'm still quite moody, but I'm working on not letting it get out of control. Other than that, we're just happily picturing our lives with a beautiful little baby. The popular consensus among the two of us is that we are going to create devastatingly beautiful children. :-)

Super Sperm

Jeff went in to get his swimmers tested on Friday (and he was a great sport about it), so we are eagerly awaiting the results. I do not think that there is anything wrong with him, and now he is pretty sure that he has "super sperm". We will find out on Monday. In the meantime, I am almost finished with the prometrium, and I have definitely noticed the side effects. I have been very sleepy, and just a tiny bit . . . temperamental. Jeff has also, thankfully, been great about this. For the first time ever, I can't wait for my period to start!

Cost of semenalysis $125

A Journey of a Thousand Steps

Like many couples, Jeff and I want to start a family, but have been hampered by infertility. I have PCOS, which, among other things, has stopped my ovulation. We attempted fertility treatments before but then we moved across the country, and had to put that aside while we rebuilt our lives in a new and exciting place. We have been in Texas for two years now, and we have decided that it is finally time to start infertility treatments again.



Since we came from Illinois where it is mandatory that insurance pays for infertility to Texas where it is not, we had some soul-searching to do. Fertility treatments can be incredibly expensive, and it is so easy for the wishful parents to get in over their heads. Today, after our first appointment with Dr. Derek Haas, we decided that we could afford to try the Clomid and the shots to get my eggs to grow. If that doesn't work, we will move to adoption. I hate to say that, because it sounds as though adopting is a second-class choice, but it is not. We would have started the adoption process a year ago, had we had a big enough home. We only have a one-bedroom condo though, and until we move, we cannot begin the adoption process. We would love to adopt and to have one of our own, so if it comes time to give up fertility and start adoption proceedings, both Jeff and I feel very good about that decision.

Today marks the new beginning of what we hope will be an incredibly successful journey towards parenthood! I'm starting with a pill called prometrium to get my period started, and which is the first step on what (hopefully) will not be too arduous a journey. Wish us luck . . .

Cost of initial visit: $160